Console Wars
DEDICATION
For Katie, the girl with the shiny eyes
CONTENTS
DEDICATION
FOREWORD BY SETH ROGEN AND EVAN GOLDBERG
AUTHOR’S NOTE
PROLOGUE
PART ONE: GENESIS
1. THE OPPORTUNITY
2. R & D
3. THE STORY OF TOM KALINSKE
4. RUDE AWAKENING
5. THE HISTORY OF NOA
6. THE NAME OF THE GAME
7. POSTCARDS FROM ARKANSAS
8. THE BIRTH OF AN ICON
9. TRIPPED UP
10. EXTREMELY DANGEROUS
11. LIGHTNING IN A BOTTLE
12. THE REVOLUTION WILL BE PIXELATED
PART TWO: SONIC VS. MARIO
13. THE WINDS OF CHANGE
14. SEGAVILLE
15. THE PHYSICIST IS DISPLEASED
16. ROPE-A-DOPE
17. SHOWDOWN
18. THE UNDERDOG DAYS OF SUMMER
19. THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY
20. WORTH WAITING FOR
21. THE HEART AND THE BRAIN
PHOTO SECTION
PART THREE: THE NEXT LEVEL
22. TARGET PRACTICE
23. SEQUELS, SKIRMISHES, AND BASEBALL IN SEATTLE
24. FYRIRGEFNING SYNDANNA
25. BACK 2 WORK
26. ORIGIN STORIES
27. SOMETHING BEYOND VIDEOGAMES
28. BOCA
29. AFTER THE BLACKOUT, BUT
BEFORE THE SURGE
30. JUST DO IT
31. TOO HOT, TOO COLD, AND JUST RIGHT
32. THE KUTARAGI DREAM MACHINE
33. A QUICK LAP AROUND VICTORY LANE
34. COPS AND ROBBERS
35. SHOSHINKAI
36. PROMETHEUS REVISITED
37. THE SEGA-SONY-NINTENDO LOVE TRIANGLE
38. SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES
39. AND AWAY WE GO!
PART FOUR: CIVIL WAR
40. HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS
41. FUGU
42. BARBARIANS AT THE GATE
43. MAGIC CARPET RIDE
44. CRAZY LIKE A FOX
45. UNACCEPTABLE
46. BLOOD, SWEAT, AND TIERS
47. THE MAN WHO CAME FROM PEPSI
48. MARCH OF THE LEMMINGS
49. SWITCHING SIDES
50. THE TIPPING POINT
51. THE LAST AND BEST OF THE PETER PANS
PART FIVE: THE TORTOISE AND THE HARE
52. NEXT GEN
53. MAN’S BEST FRIEND
54. NIGHT TRAPPED
55. IT’S JUST WINDY . . . NOT A METAPHOR
56. COMBAT PAY
57. LIFE ON MARS
58. ROSES ARE RED
59. BLAST FROM THE PAST
60. KINGS OF THE JUNGLE
61. AND THEN THERE WERE THREE
62. FORK IN THE ROAD
63. KILLER INSTINCT
64. GAME OVER
EPILOGUE
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
CREDITS
COPYRIGHT
ABOUT THE PUBLISHER
FOREWORD BY SETH ROGEN AND EVAN GOLDBERG
SETH
Hi! Welcome to the foreword for Console Wars by legendary author Blake J. Harris!
EVAN
Videogames are great, but books about videogames are even better!
SETH
We grew up as videogames were on the rise, and they played a major role in our upbringing.
EVAN
And that’s why we couldn’t say no when Blake asked us to write a 2,500-word foreword for this awesome book you will love reading!
SETH
How many words is that?
EVAN
Like, 150.
SETH
Crap. Okay, what next?
Evan thinks intensely and an idea comes to him.
EVAN
Let’s talk about what systems we preferred.
SETH
Solid idea, partner-ino!
EVAN
I preferred Nintendo.
SETH
I preferred Sega. I’ll never forget the first time I ripped someone’s spine out playing Mortal Kombat.
EVAN
Yeah, Sega always seemed to go to a place that Nintendo didn’t, and that opened the doors for videogames that weren’t just targeted at kids but teenagers and even . . . adults. I don’t think games like Grand Theft Auto would even exist without Sega making games that went places Nintendo never would have gone.
SETH
I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. But Mortal Kombat definitely felt like a wonderful step in a new direction at the time. I was awesome at it too. Sub-Zero was my man.
EVAN
Me too. Hey, here’s a Sega question: what was up with Sonic and Tails?
SETH
What? It was just your classic platonic speedster hedgehog and two-tail fox relationship.
EVAN
I felt some tension there. Sexual.
SETH
Oh, it was sexual.
Seth and Evan exchange awkward looks in what is clearly a sexually charged moment of their own.
SETH
How many words we at?
EVAN
I’d say 400-ish.
SETH
Use letters. Four-hundred-ish. It takes up way more space.
EVAN
Mega true. I’ll say it in letters from now on. Like four-zero-zero.
SETH
Don’t hyphenate them, dumbass. It makes them count as one word. [sigh] Here’s a videogame fact that will take up at least thirty-five words.
EVAN
What is it?
SETH
I used to own a power glove. I got it right when it came out.
EVAN
Sweet petunia bush! Please elaborate using as many words as possible!
SETH
It didn’t work that well at all. I remember the bad-ass dude in The Wizard (arguably the most important videogame movie of all time), and mine didn’t work worth crap.
EVAN
I was always confused by TurboGrafx-16. As far as I recall, there were only two games for it. Keith Courage and Bonk’s Adventure. I only ever played Keith Courage.
SETH
I played Bonk’s Adventure. A friend of mine had it, and it truly blew my mind. I also remember renting Sega CD in high school. It had that raunchy horror game with real controversy surrounding it.
EVAN
Yup, that was Night Trap. You had to stop drill-wielding serial killers from impaling sorority girls. That was the first time I remember thinking to myself, “Well they have just gone too far this time.” And I was twelve or something . . .
SETH
Then came Sega Saturn, and kind of shat the bed.
EVAN
And then there was Goldeneye.
SETH
I would confidently say the reason I never really had a girlfriend in high school was because of Goldeneye. I specifically remember leaving parties to go play it.
EVAN
Our favorite level was the Facility. We would sit with our buddy Fogell for hours and hours on end and play it.
SETH
I memorized every level. The game was as much about watching your friend’s screen as your own.
EVAN
When I went off to college, I met a group of guys from out east that were way better at Goldeneye than we ever were, and it crushed me. They were operating at a whole other level.
SETH
Then you got super into Super Smash Brothers.
EVAN
Yeah. It was on Nintendo 64. My buddies and I would have tournaments that would go for hours: entire evenings. I was the nimble-foot
ed puffball of power, Kirby.
SETH
That game makes no sense. The whole thing is based on a percentage of the likelihood that you’re going to fall off a magical island, and it goes up to like 600 percent and that’s bad and you’re actually trying to keep your score low, which I find confusing and counterintuitive.
EVAN
Well, games are getting continuously confusing. I don’t even know what my grandparents would think if they played Grand Theft Auto.
SETH
Remember when Martin Starr and I taught you to drive around LA when you first moved here by playing the game True Crime: Streets of LA, because it had a realistic map of Los Angeles?
EVAN
That was sincerely helpful. It’s crazy how they started doing stuff like that.
SETH
I bet soon games will start calling our cell phones and e-mailing us and stuff.
EVAN
Maybe that’s how Skynet finally happens and we all end up in a Terminator/Matrix nightmare version of the future where mankind is nearly wiped out and machines rule the world.
SETH
Well, I guess it’s time to address the elephant in the room— porno. We all know we’re going to be getting dirty with our videogames, and if not us, our children, or our children’s children.
EVAN
The future can wait. We have to live in the now!
SETH
You’re right. These days I mostly like to play games where you shoot people. Call of Duty, GTA5, and such.
EVAN
I’m an iPad tower defense addict. There’s something wrong with me. I just love games where things are sent in waves and I get to destroy them with strategy.
SETH
That’s a dark want.
EVAN
It’s who I am.
SETH
A crazy thing I think about sometimes is that there are teenagers operating videogames connected to deadly drones that fly around the world blowing stuff up. That eighties movie War Games is real now. And what to us is a nonthreatening drone will eventually probably turn into, yes, Skynet. All roads lead to Skynet.
EVAN
I think at this point most people would agree that a robot takeover is how things end. I’m personally at peace with that inevitability.
SETH
I still can’t get over the whole Nintendo Wii revolution, with these games you have to move around to. When we were growing up, playing videogames made you fat and lazy, not nimble and coordinated.
EVAN
I really got into Wii Fit for a while. It was pretty addictive at first but then it made fun of me too much and mucked up my self-esteem.
SETH
Now kids are getting their self-esteem messed with through videogames way more than when we were kids, thanks to this whole online gaming thing.
EVAN
I try to get into online gaming every now and then, and I constantly find there’s young kids out there who are so much better than me I can’t even participate.
SETH
Yeah. It’s weird to think we are thirty-one and already we can’t keep up.
EVAN
Eventually we won’t even understand the images on the screen.
SETH
Like how my grandmother would view death metal.
EVAN
I’m not a huge fan of death metal myself.
SETH
“Death Metal” ’s a great name for a videogame.
EVAN
I read once that the band Journey had a videogame where you could put your face onto the main character. I want that. It’s silly that I can’t be the character in the game yet.
SETH
Yeah. And it’d be cool if it used your contact list for names and incorporated your real life a lot.
EVAN
But then, once again, robots would take over the world.
SETH
So what we’re realizing here is videogames may not ever get better than they are now, because if they did, robots would take over the world.
EVAN
I think so.
SETH
How many words is that?
EVAN
About 2,300.
SETH
Then let’s take this full-circle and connect it to the book our honorable reader is about to read: Nintendo was king of home videogame entertainment systems, then Sega came in and was a contender for the crown. Sega almost toppled Nintendo with their subversive and more adult-oriented games, and these games have led us to a world where GTA and Call of Duty are the top games, and the next step is to have the games incorporate stuff about us and our personal lives, and then sentient technology will inevitably disassociate from mankind and some robot like Skynet will rise up and destroy us all. Hence: the “Console Wars” between Nintendo and Sega is what began a series of events that will lead to the end of humanity as we know it.
EVAN
Bam! That’s what videogames mean to us.
SETH
Damn. I think we nailed this foreword stuff. Our style may have been unconventional, but we ultimately tied it to the downfall of mankind, which is cool.
EVAN
I couldn’t agree more. Our next movie should be called Foreword and be about this process.
SETH
Or Foreskin and be about a circumcision that changed humanity forever.
EVAN
Both good ideas.
SETH
Okay. We should probably get home to our wives now.
EVAN
Yes. We love our wives. Let that be noted.
SETH
See you at work!
EVAN
Ditto!
Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg are childhood friends, and the writer/director/producers of This Is the End and The Interview. Together, the duo has also written and produced Knocked Up, Superbad, and Pineapple Express.
AUTHOR’S NOTE
Console Wars is a narrative account based on information obtained from hundreds of interviews. Re-creating a story of this nature, which draws from the recollections of a multitude of sources, can often lead to inconsistencies; particularly when dealing with industry competitors and especially when dealing with events that took place more than two decades ago. As such, I have re-created the scenes in this book using the information uncovered from my interviews, facts gathered from supporting documents, and my best judgment as to what version most closely fits the documentary record.
In certain situations, details of settings and description have been altered, reconstructed, or imagined. Additionally, most of the dialogue in this book has been re-created based on source recollections of content, premise, and tone. Some of the conversations recounted in this book took place over extended periods of time or in multiple locations, but have been condensed, or reorganized in a slightly different manner, while remaining true to the integrity and spirit of all original discussions.
PROLOGUE
In 1987, Tom Kalinske was at a crossroads. He had spent the better part of his career working at Mattel, where he enjoyed towering success transforming the Barbie line from a niche, has-been series of dolls into a timeless, billion-dollar property. Recognizing his potential, the company groomed him to become their next president. But shortly after taking the reins at only thirty-eight years old, he found himself embroiled in a dangerous game of office politics. With no resolution in sight, Kalinske decided that rather than wage an internal war, he’d prefer to fight an external one. So he ceded control of Mattel to a rival executive, and left the company to become president of a competitor: Universal Matchbox.
Although Matchbox’s toy cars had historically gone toe-to-toe with Mattel’s Hot Wheels brand, when Kalinske took over, his new company was hemorrhaging money and had recently been placed into receivership. He knew this going in—it was part of what had enticed him—but taking on Goliath eagerly didn’t do much to change the incline of the uphill battle ahead. To revive the wounded company from rece
ivership and give Hot Wheels (and, of course, Mattel) a run for their money, Kalinske needed to reorganize Matchbox, and do so in a flash. He spent the next couple of years traveling the globe and implementing ambitious restructuring plans, much of which hinged on moving all production to labor-cheap regions in Asia.
By 1990, his strategies appeared to be working and Matchbox had become relevant again. They were still miles away from bridging the gap with Mattel, but with revenue now over $350 million, the company had managed to turn a profit for the first time in years. Matchbox cars were starting to sell all around the world—except, for some reason, in Spain. So Kalinske went there to find out why not.
After arriving in Barcelona, Kalinske hopped in a cab to meet with the distributor in charge of selling Matchbox cars in the Spanish territories. Instead of embarrassing himself by trying to pronounce the address where he was headed, he simply passed the distributor’s business card to the cabdriver. The driver glanced at the card, noticed the Matchbox logo, and nodded.
Kalinske was baffled. His distributor worked out of a tiny office; how could this driver possibly know where to go based on only the logo? Once again, Kalinske tried to present the business card to the driver only to be waved off. “Matchbox, sí,” the driver said firmly. Kalinske was confused, but ultimately he decided he wasn’t a Spanish cabdriver and it wasn’t his job to know such things. He leaned back, took in the panoramic view of a sprawling Barcelona, and tried to remember if you’re supposed to tip cabdrivers in Spain or not.
Shortly thereafter, the driver stopped in front of a large yellow building. Kalinske stepped out of the cab and compared the address to the one on the business card. It didn’t match. In broken Spanish, Kalinske tried to argue with the driver, but the guy remained insistent that this was the right place. Kalinske finally gave in and told the driver to wait outside as he entered the building. But as soon as he stepped inside, he was greeted by a surprise.
Thousands of surprises, actually. The building turned out to be an industrial factory, churning out tiny die-cast Matchbox cars by the minute. Huh? Kalinske had moved all production to Asia, so why were shiny little cars shooting off a rusty conveyor belt in Spain? Was this why profits had been lagging? Who’d authorized this?